Color me all sorts of broken. (tweaked_outtt) wrote,
Color me all sorts of broken.

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When I said 28 days, I meant more like two months. And shit, it feels great to be home. I was so overwhelmed I actually cried when I walked in my house. How pathetic is that?
I got home yesterday after a four hour car ride home, and of course my first night back I partied. I almost forgot how much hangovers suck.

It's fucking WEIRD being home. Rehab kind of became home. It was so routine that I keep getting uncomfortable with sitting on my ass and doing nothing. I feel like I should be at a meeting or something.
Court September first, and seven more months of probation. Meetings four times a week. Not that bad. Hopefully I won't fuck up anymore. Hopefully the judge will have mercy on me because I went to rehab.
I found out I'm bi-polar. Not sleeping (without the help of drugs) kind of sets it off, so every once in a while I'd snap and go crazy. Throwin' shit, and yelling. I can't stand controlled environments. When I'd get like that it only lasts like a day. My logic will be so fucked, and my mind will be racing with these absolutely crazy ideas. One day I was convinced the whole staff was robots. (But trust me, there was logic behind this. Most of the kids even started to believe it.)
I was standing on the pool table one day throwing apples at the wall, and yelling obscinities, and the staff memebers were yelling at me to get down so I just yelled louder. They told me to put shoes on, so I jumped down and ran around the room screaming "I will not wear shoes, I WILL NOT!". I also decided to rebel against society that day (I was a bit dilusional from lack of sleep) and for the entire day I refused to wear shoes, sit in chairs, or eat meat. I even tried to stop smoking. I had a sit in at the cafeteria, and I felt like a hippy. I drove the staff crazy.

The doctors tried their damndest to make me take these mood stabalizer pills, because I was always ranting to them about government conspiracies, and CVS Pharmacy cults, and how the world was out to brainwash me. There was a whole day when I decided rehab was a cult, and they were trying to control my brain. So the doctors would fuck with me, and tell me to write "medicine is good" 100 times. They had a meeting about me, because they were concerned with my "mood swings", and decieded it was VITAL that I take these pills, because obviously I'm not capable of stabalizing my own god damn mood. They threatened to transfer me to some Scott and White psychiatric phacility if I didn't take them, and I spit it out and told the nurse to shove it up her ass. I yelled at her for a good five minutes about my rights as an American. They KNEW how morally oppossed I was to taking meds. What the fuck ever happened to free will anyways? That's just one more chemical I don't need to become dependant of. Society today is so fucked. We've been corrupted to believe that whenever something goes wrong, there's always a pill to make it better. We were all in rehab beacuse of chemical dependancy, yet they'll find any possible reason to shove shit tons of pills down our throat so that we comply. The way I see it, if you need a pill to be "normal", that's not normal.
We chanted prayers, which freaked me out, then we went to meeting, after meeting, after meeting.

I met some cool people. For the most part, the people sucked though. They were all so fucking fake. It's like they didn't even have a personality... they were just what everyone wanted them to be. It's disgusting. Most people are all about image these days. But really, who the fuck is there to impress in rehab? The most pathetic indavidual was Casey, the compulsive liar. She lied about EVERYTHING. I wouldn't be surprised if her name wasn't really even Casey. She was fun to make fun of though. Then there was Audrey, who was a compulsive liar as well. She was this big white bitch who thought she was black. She made up stories about all her black boyfriends who got jealous when boys looked at her (trust me, no one would want to look at this bitch) and her ex fience that stabbed her in the foot with a screwdriver, and all her black babies (who's names constantly changed), and all her miscarriages (which is why she's fat, she says). She went around stealing everyone's cigarettes, and I wanted to shove my foot up her fat clepto ass. This Mexican bitch Esmer was always starting shit with me. These are the kids I make fun of in school. The annoying, obnoxious fags that try way too hard to be something they're not... and I had to live with them for almost two months. Katie and Megan were tight though. Two badass hippy chicks I roomed with. Megan could play guitar beautifully, and it was always fun to watch her spin lights at night time. Katie was fucking hilarious, and she loved to be naked.

Night times were always the best. I was out in the middle of nowhere, way out in the hillcountry, in this honky tonk ass town called, Hunt, Texas. Nothing but open space and hills. At nights you could see the stars, and all the deer, and armidillos, and rabbits, and roadrnuners came out to play. We'd all sit around smoking cigarettes while Megan played guitar.
Jordan came to visit me while I was there. It was nice to see him. He brought me some liquor he was going to sneak in, because this whole staying sober nonsense is whack, but of course, being him, he drank it all on the way, and came to see me drunk.

All in all, it wasn't so bad. We'd go kayaking for miles, and intertubing, and skinnydipping in the river, and bowling, and all that fun jazz.It didn't feel like I was there as long as I was. Oh, how time flies when you're having fun.

We went to marijuana anonymous meetings every week.
"Hi, my name is Kristin, and I'm a marijuana addict."
"Hi, Kristin!"
Yeah... it was fucking rediculous.
The red pills they tried to give us in the morning were brainwashing pills. We always spit those out.

And that was pretty much my life the past few months. It's done and over with now, and all just another chapter in the crazy soap opera that is my life.
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