Color me all sorts of broken. (tweaked_outtt) wrote,
Color me all sorts of broken.

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I made it through another day at least. That was more than expected.

I just got back from court. I have some good news, and some bad news.

Good news: Out of some miracle of God, I didn't get drug tested today. My attorney reschedualed court again. I have until the 23rd, which is almost a whole month. Not exactly a CARE FREE month... I'm still on probation. I could get drug tested any day, and I'm always taking a big risk by never following cerfew. But at least they're prolonging this a bit more.
I haven't been to drug treatment classes in two weeks. The judge REALLY isn't going to be happy about that. This is fucking bullshit that those stupid classes continue to waste my time, even during the summer.

Bad news: When the 23rd comes around, I am FUCKED beyond repair. I don't even think my attorney can do much. This isn't about all my violations anymore, now I've got another posession charge to deal with. That's what fucked me over. Our insurance plan is possibly the shittiest in existance, so they won't pay for jack shit; my dad wants nothing to do with my fuck ups, so HE won't pay for shit, and my mom is dirt poor, so she CAN'T pay for shit. It's completely up to the state to pay for me, and the state doesn't think I am deserving of a nice stay in a decent rehab phacility, so they decided today that they weren't going to pay for shit either. The only options left are the Academy for nine months, or TYC until my 21st birthday. And since I've got a felony charge way back in the day, I am eligable for TYC. Now I don't think any of you can grasp how horrible those places are.

My mom started crying and said she'd try her hardest to get a loan or something so I could get some REAL help in rehab. My dad told me to stay positive, and I glared at him and walked away. I don't even feel like talking to that asshole. He can just go home to his perfect wife, in his perfect little house in the country, and live his perfect, carefree life that doesn't have me in it. Sorry I was never good enough for you, dad.

This is some fucking bullshit. I go to my probation officer, tell her I have an out of control cocaine addiction and ask for help. So what does good old Williamson County do for me?
"She wants help? Well we don't feel like paying for her to get some REAL help, so we'll throw her ass in boot camp. She wants off drugs? Well we'll just send her somewhere where she won't even have the opportunity to do drugs for quite a while."

Wow, THANKS, state of Texas! Gosh Golly, it's just great to know everyone's so concerned about my well being.
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